The 10 Best Movie Performances by Kids

Pajiba had an article a while ago about the best performances by children (under the age of 13) in movies. While I agreed with some of the choices, I have my own ideas about who should be in the top 10. It has taken me a long time to get around to it, but I have finally come up with my own list.

In no particular order they are:

Christian Bale: Empire of the Sun-

First of all, if you have not yet seen this movie, you need to rent it this weekend. In my opinion, it's the best movie Spielberg has ever made.

Synopsis: Empire of the Sun is basically about a spoiled British kid (James Graham) living in Shanghai trying to survive after being separated from his parents after the Japanese invade. He is eventually captured and put in an internment camp. The movie is poignant and the cinematography is amazing. (I love the scene where he is in the stadium with all the valuables that were taken from private homes.)

Christian Bale takes you from hating Jim, to laughing with/at him, to being utterly heartbroken for him. You will roll your eyes, laugh, cry, cheer, and then cry some more.

Like Christian Bale? Check him out in The Machinist.

Macaulay Culkin: The Good Son -

Forget about those stupid Home Alone movies. They were made to get families with kids to the movie theaters and they did a great job of that (and of keeping Joe Pesci working).

Synopsis: After his mother's death, a young boy, Mark (Elijah Wood), goes to stay with his aunt and uncle while his dad goes on a business trip. Mark makes fast friends with his cousin Henry (played by Culkin). But after seeing Henry in action, Mark realizes that Henry is truly evil, and has to keep Henry from hurting others, because no one believes Mark's stories about Henry.

Macaulay Culkin is utterly convincing as a depraved psycho. Seriously . . . if I ever ran into Mac Culkin I would probably run for my life. In the final scene where the boys are hanging over the cliff and the mother has to decide whether to save her son or her nephew . . . wow.

Like Macaulay Culkin? Check out Saved!

Elijah Wood & Thora Birch: Paradise -

First of all, let me forewarn you about this movie: The two main adult leads are Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith. But you shouldn't let that stop you from seeing this movie.

Synopsis: Willard Young (Wood) goes to stay with his mother's friend Lily (Griffith) and her husband Ben (Johnson) after his father runs off with another woman. Lily and Ben are having marital problems which started after the death of their son. Willard naturally brings the couple back together by reminding them how much they love each other, and they all live happily ever after.

Cheesy, right? Not really. Elijah Wood, who was only 8 or 9 when the movie was made, already showed a great deal of range as an actor. And his co-star, a very precocious Thora Birch (as Billie Pike) is the perfect counterbalance to Willard's pensive, introverted personality. She is nosy, bossy, and just kind of a brat, but at the same time she is a vulnerable, wounded child who really just wants someone to love her unconditionally.

Like Elijah Wood? Check him out in The War, The Ice Storm, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Like Thora Birch? Check her out in American Beauty and The Hole.

Anna Pacquin: The Piano -

This is another must-see movie. Forget for a moment that we are talking about performances by children. Holly Hunter kicked ass in this movie. Oh, and as an added incentive, Harvey Keitel went full frontal.

Synopsis: Ada (Hunter), a mute Englishwoman, moves to New Zealand for an arranged marriage along with her young daughter, Flora (Pacquin), and her prized piano. Her new husband then sells her piano to a neighbor, George (Keitel), who Ada then begins having an affair with. Drama ensues.

Flora (to use Jo's word) is cunty. But when you look at what she has been through, you kind of can't blame her. She is the sole link between her mother and the speaking world; she is hauled off to a strange land; she has no friends her own age. But at the same time, she and her mother have a very close relationship, although not in a traditional mother-daughter sense.

Like Anna? Check her out in A Walk on the Moon and Almost Famous.

Abigail Breslin: Little Miss Sunshine -

Synopsis: Olive Hoover (Breslin), a chubby, glasses-wearing, little girl wants nothing more than to be in the Little Miss Sunshine Pageant, and her father (Greg Kinear) has convinced her that she can win, much to her mother's (Toni Colette) chagrin. The family takes off on the road for the pageant and hilarity (and tragedy) ensues.

If this movie was nothing but the last 10 minutes, it would be well worth the cost of admission to go see it. But when you throw in this horribly flawed cast of characters, and the dynamics between them all, you get one of the best movies I've seen in quite a while. And Olive is a jewel . . . this is a child with no fear (or is she just completely oblivious?!) who is somehow able to bring her dysfunctional family together for a common goal. By the time she was about 30 seconds into her dance finale, I found myself cheering aloud for her, because you just want this little underdog to come out on top.

Like Abby? Check her out in Signs.

Rory Culkin: Mean Creek -

Synopsis: Rory plays Sam, a quiet kid who is being bullied by George. When Sam admits this to his older brother, he and some friends come up with a plan to get their revenge on George. But what was supposed to be a prank goes sour, things quickly start to fall apart, and George ends up dead.

There is one word to describe Rory's performance in this movie: riveting. If you haven't seen this movie, you need to check it out.

Like Rory? You can check him out along with Abigail in Signs.

Miko Hughes: Jack the Bear -

This is the best movie you've never seen.

Synopsis: An alcoholic single father (Danny Devito) struggles to raise his two young sons following the death of his wife. The oldest son, Jack (played brilliantly by Robert J. Steinmiller Jr. ) is left to care for his younger brother, Dylan (Hughes), and grows to resent him. But then Dylan is abducted by a neighbor and life gets even more complicated for this family.

You may not recognize the name, but you know Miko Hughes well. He was Gage in Pet Sematary, Simon in Mercury Rising, and Joseph ("Mr. Kimble are you all right?") in Kindergarten Cop.

Like Miko? Check him out in Pet Sematary, Kindergarten Cop, and Mercury Rising.

Natalie Portman: The Professional (AKA Leon) -

When I first saw this movie, it was obvious that Natalie Portman was going places. This would not be the last time we saw this little girl.

Synopsis: Leon (Jean Reno) is a professional hit man who lives down the hall from Mathilda (Portman), a precocious young girl with a potty mouth and a pack-a-day smoking habit. One day, while Mathilda is at the store, dirty cops come in and kill her parents (who are drug dealers) and siblings. Luckily, through the intervention of Leon, Mathilda narrowly escapes also being killed. Mathilda then decides that she is going to train under Leon to be a hit man as well so that she can get revenge on the cops who killed her family.

Her performance was so raw and emotional (think Jodi Foster in Taxi Driver) that it's easy to forget that she was only 11 years old when the movie was made.
Like Natalie? Check her out in Closer and Garden State.

And I know that I said that these were in no particular order, but I had to save the best for last:

Victoire Thivisol: Ponette -

Sometimes, when you are watching a good movie, a scene or a moment will move you to tears. And sometimes the emotions jump out of the screen, maul and emotionally rape you, and leave you a blubbering, mascara-smeared mess on the floor. That's Ponette.

Synopsis: A 4-year-old little girl (Thivisol), after the death of her mother, tries to bring her back to life through chants and deals with God, while at the same time withdrawing from her family and those around her.

You may say that you don't really like movies with subtitles. Honestly, I'd rather watch my movies than read them, too. But you don't even need the subtitles with this movie. Everything you need to understand is right there in Victoire's eyes.

Like Victoire? Check her out in Chocolat.

Do What You Want to Me, but Leave My Dog Alone!

I was listening to the radio on the way to work this morning, and the DJ was talking about a story out of St. Paul, MN (I think) that absolutely made me sick. A 17-yr. old girl had a dog who went missing a few weeks ago, and she searched everywhere for the him, but was never able to find him, despite her exhaustive efforts. One day she came home and found a gift-wrapped box on her front stoop. In the box was the head of her dog.

There is a special place in hell for the person who did this.

Now, I will freely admit that I am a dog lover. I, like most people with souls, can watch a movie with people being brutally murdered left and right and be just fine with it, but as soon as the killer turns his attention to a dog, I get really, really upset.

I firmly believe that there is a direct correlation between how someone treats animals and how they treat humans. The guy (I am assuming it's a guy) who did this needs to be locked away for the rest of his life. He is a monster.

I just hope that the girl who had the dog will be able to recover from this. I can only imagine how she must feel. I do know that if someone ever hurt Smelly, my revenge would be utterly savage. I consider myself a calm, rational, and loving person, but all that is good in me would be destroyed if I ever lost my four-legged child in a manner such as this.

Why I'm Glad There Were No Camera Phones When I Was in College

You know how it works. You're out with your friends having a few drinks, which turns into a few more, which turns into you making out with some random guy with greasy hair and a shirt that is intentionally unbuttoned too low for polite society. And out come the camera phones.

I graduated from college (Go Dukes!) in 1998. When I was in school, camera phones only existed in spy novels. In fact, very few people even had cell phones. Sure, every once in a while you'd run into someone who had one, but it was very rare, and they usually couldn't get decent reception.

Nowadays, everyone has a cell phone . . . even little kids. And, as my friend Beaver has pointed out, it is actually difficult to find a cell phone without a built-in camera anymore. (She works for a three-lettered government agency and cannot bring a camera phone into her building.) And the quality of the pictures that these cameras take is getting better and better all the time. This is fine and dandy . . . unless of course you've ever done anything stupid and had a friend capture it for posterity.

Back in the good old days (10 years ago), when you did something stupid while drunk or just acting like a fool, one of your friends might capture it on film. This friend would eventually get around to developing the pictures a few weeks (or months) later, you'd have a chuckle about how drunk you were that night, and then this picture would either end up in the back of a photo album or torn up after you wrestled it out of your friend's hand. Worst case scenario - a couple people see the picture and you get embarrassed whenever someone mentions having seen it. But in general, you flashing "the girls" to a room full of drunk frat guys or making out with one of your female roommates* may have been fodder for the "remember the night Helen [fill in the blank with naughty act]" stories, but there is no concrete proof that it actually happened.

No more. Now, if you go out and do something stupid, before you wake up the next morning the picture has been downloaded and posted on your friends' MySpace pages or one of the many sites that let you share your photos with God and everybody. Someone sees the picture and tells a friend, who tells a friend, who has a buddy who has a blog that gets a lot of traffic. Next thing you know, your tits are the 3rd most popular search on Google for 3 days straight. And yes, it's only 3 days, but the problem is that everyone you know has now seen these pictures. Including your co-workers, former teachers, the neighborhood gossip who lives next door to your parents, and the creepy guy from high school who used to always follow you everywhere obsessively licking his lips until they were chapped. (Ew!)

That's why I'm glad I graduated during the last millennium. Yeah, I still occasionally get drunk with my friends and do dumb things, but I generally keep my clothes on now. But if those blasted cameras had been around when I was in college (especially during my sophomore year . . . what a year!) I wouldn't be able to show my face in public.

* This is not a confession to any impropriety on my part, merely an example of what could have happened.

Cougarlicious . . .

Ship, always on the cutting edge of culture, has introduced me to a new definition for the word "cougar." Now, maybe I've been living in a hole and need to get out more, but I always thought that a cougar was sort of mountain lion or something . . . four legs, fur, and a ferocious growl. Apparently, I was mistaken.

So far, this is my understanding of what the word now means: Cougars are older women who go after younger men, like predators stalking their prey. The poster child for Cougars, of course, is Demi Moore. Another example would be Julie Cooper who had a fling with her husband-to-be's son who was in his early twenties. (And just so you know, I am fully aware that Julie is a fictional character from the OC, not a real person!) Liz Taylor has also married several men who were substantially younger, as has Zsa Zsa Gabor.

But in terms of Metro DC, what age marks the distinction between just your average 30-something looking for love and a predatory, indigenous cougar? Or does it have less to do with the age of the woman and more to the age gap between her and the men (and often boys) she pursues? Or is it her parental status, or maybe the age of her children?

Somebody help me out here, because I'm terribly confused by all of this! If I, at the ripe old age of 31, go to one of my regular haunts in Clarendon and strike up a conversation with a guy who is 27, am I a cougar? And is being a cougar even a bad thing?

Dildos . . .

No, the title isn't just some random word to get you to read the post.

The other night, Jo and I were talking about dildos and vibrators over a few drinks, and I realized that I never really talk to my girlfriends about that kind of thing. Now, I don't want you to be misled by this revelation: I'm no Puritan and I usually say exactly what's on my mind. But sex toys rarely end up being a topic of conversation and I'm not sure why. Are we embarassed about using them? I'm not sure why, because they are absolutely a tool of survival if you're single (and many times, if you're in a relationship), and I find the range of options utterly intriguing!

Not only do you have the various incarnations of the dildo (all different shapes, colors, and sizes, the double-ended variety, ones made of glass, strap-ons, etc.), but then there's the vibrator with its many different options, and the bullets which I haven't tried out yet. And don't forget butt plugs (although I think they are mostly for the boys!). I mean the list of toys available out there is astounding.

So why aren't we all talking about this? Why do we, as women, find it so taboo to talk about something that most of us seem to get a great deal of enjoyment out of using?! I know there is a decent percentage of the population that would be horrified at this thought (my mother included), but a girl has to do what a girl has to do.

And isn't it better to enjoy a toy than to go out and fool around with some guy who isn't going to bother to call you the next day just so you can scratch an itch? (And in many cases, not getting a call-back is quite possibly the BEST case scenario, because I've seen what some of these guys look and act like in the light of day, and it isn't pretty!) Oh, and don't forget about STDs. Of course HIV is the big one, but genital herpes sticks with you for life even though it's treatable, and even a case of the crabs is pretty horrid (not speaking from personal experience, I assure you!). It's just not worth it. Especially when you consider that most sex during one-night stands is pretty forgettable.

I heard recently that teenage girls are having less sex with fewer partners now than they did 15 years ago. Is it possible that they are smarter than those of us in our 20s and 30s? Did they discover the marvels of modern engineering at an earlier age than we did? If so, good for them.

Next time you go out with your friends, bring up the topic of dildos and watch how your friends react. (You may want to wait until everyone has had a few glasses of wine before you approach the subject though!) You will probably have a friend who acts utterly horrified, one whose cheeks turn bright red, and one who tries to quickly change the subject. But if you can break the ice, I think it's something that most of us are dying to talk about with our friends.

Your Screenplay Sucks . . .

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I have recently been participating in a film production "company" with a group of some of the coolest folks I know. I say "company" (in quotes) because I'm not sure if it technically meets the criteria for a company . . . mainly because I don't know what those criteria are.

Anyway, I was on one of my favorite blog sites (www.pajiba.com) and saw an add for this company that sells t-shirts that say "Your Screenplay Sucks." How cool would it be to get one of those for our next meeting, just to be hateful?! (Granted, most of the other people in our group have far more experience at writing screenplays than I do, and their ideas aren't as banal as mine have seemed!) I'm torn though . . . because they have another one that says "Bad Grammar Makes Me [Sic]" and I almost peed my pants when I saw it.

They have a bunch of other really funny ones, so if you want, you can check them out at www.onehorseshy.com.

A Friend Indeed . . .

I was off of work on Friday (thus the four blog entries!) and got a message half way through the day from my friend who had been having a pretty crappy week. So I suggested that we get together and have a few beers just one-on-one for some quality girl talk.

I'm not sure about everyone else, but I find that my friends usually go out in a big group. (Or "a gaggle of gigglers" as my brother used to call my friends and me when we were in high school!) Don't get me wrong, those nights are usually some of the best times. But every once in a while, you just need the intimacy of a real conversation to remind you of the difference between a real friend and just a person that you go out drinking with.

So Friday, as I sat there talking with my friend, and I saw tears well up in her eyes for the third or fourth time in the evening, it occurred to me that I don't think I've ever had that kind of conversation with her before. Sure, we've talked about a lot of things over the past few years, but I've never seen her allow herself to be so vulnerable before. It was so open and honest, and it showed me that she must trust me more than I had ever realized for her to have shared her thoughts and fears with me the way she did.

She told me today how much she appreciated me being there for her. But it also made me realize how grateful I was that she LET me be there. Does that make sense?

If you've got just one friend who you can share your thoughts with, or who trusts you enough to share hers with you, you are the luckiest person in the world.

C-Reg Ran!

So yesterday was C-Reg's big race, and she did a great job, especially considering it was her first competitive run in 5 years.

The day got off to a rocky start though . . . Ship and I overslept because we failed to plan ahead for the change to Daylight Savings Time, and woke up about an hour late and so C-Reg was a little freaked out that she was going to be late to the race. But we made it in plenty of time, thank goodness!! C-Reg came in second place in her class (women under 29) and was the second woman to finish overall as well. (I'm not sure about the exact numbers, but there weren't that many guys ahead of her either!)

She will be participating in three more races over the next month as part of the Backyard Burn series, so wish her luck!! Congrats C-Reg!

I'm just curious . . .

I was tooling around on Craig's List and saw the following ad under "Would You Like a Fun Roommate":

"Hi! I was in the midst of the horrible task of searching for an apartment when I was stuck with a deviant idea. I am curious if anyone would enjoy a scandalous living situation... perhaps you would enjoy the fact that I love cleaning in the nude from time to time or give wonderful massages. Quick info about me - I'm slender, cute, and a redhead. I am currently in a graduate program and I also work plus I have a boyfriend so I would only be around a couple nights a week. I need you to be over 40, friendly, and extremely discreet. Plus, financially secure enough to have an extra bedroom with a private bath you would be willing to part with rent-free!"

Interesting. Does anyone else find it disturbing that an intelligent (assuming since she's in grad school) 26 year old woman would be willing to whore herself out for free rent? I know the cost of living is ludicrous around here, but seriously? And what does she think her boyfriend is going to say when he finds out? Because believe me . . . he will definitely find out.

Creative Juices

So, last fall my friend PL (who is also a co-worker) invited me to participate in the National Film Competition with her, her boyfriend, Capt. Logisitica, and a bunch of other folks. Most of the people in this group had experience with screenwriting and film-making prior to this event, but not me! But I went and helped bat around some ideas for the film, and then helped the next day with the actual shooting of the movie. And man, was that fun!

Anyway, long story short, the movie turned out to be pretty good. I would say excellent, but I think we all realize that we could have done so much more with it had we had more than 72 hours to write, shoot, edit, score, etc. the entire movie.

But now we are looking to do other projects, and I cannot wait. It's been so long since my creative juices have flowed. I guess it's about time that I started using my english degree for something!! My mother would be so proud.

Run, C-Reg, RUN!!

So Ship's mate (it's a play on words, get it?!), C-Reg, is running in a race on Sunday morning, and I just wanted to give her a shout out and wish her good luck. Ship and I are going down to cheer her on. The bad news? The race starts at 9 AM. The worse news? We are all riding together, and will have to leave our house by 6:45 AM. And the worst news? Daylight savings time starts that day, so we'll already be losing an hour of sleep! Ugh. But that's okay, it will be something different to do (can't really remember the last time I went to support a friend in a sporting event), and I know C-Reg will appreciate the support from her amigos.

Good luck my little gigglebox!!

I know it's been a while . . .

I know it's been quite a while since I have posted a blog. Sometimes life gets in the way of talking about it online. I guess that's a good thing though!

So, here's an update on some of my previous blogs:

• Tall Glass of Crazy is getting married. Yup. At first that news hit me like a sharp kick to the stomach. Not because I was jealous that he was going to marry someone else, but because I was jealous that he (the poster child for immaturity) was going to do one of the most grown up things in the world before me. But then I realized that just because he was getting married didn't mean that all of the marriage/children stuff isn't still waiting out there for me. And as much as he made my life a living hell after our breakup, I still wish him the best. Deep down he's a good guy . . . it's all the pscyhological stuff that made him into a raving lunatic.
• Britney & K-Fed: Well, I certainly didn't see this one coming. Maybe I should have. Someone should have, right? K-Fed as father (and husband) of the year? I'm still skeptical though. Is he just playing his cards right to get back in Brit's good graces so he'll have access to the money (and his kids), or is he really a genuinely nice guy? I'm going to reserve judgement on this one, because I just think it's too early to tell how this whole scene is going to play itself out.
• Work: Yup, still no raise, and the hours just keep getting longer. I was supposed to be off yesterday and today, and was hoping for a nice, long, 4-day weekend, but it didn't happen. I worked all day yesterday, and today (Friday) I'm at home but still checking e-mail. To make matters worse, I'm going to have to go into the office on Sunday. Blah.
• Pita turned out not to be such a P.I.T.A after all. Around Christmas, I got a text message from her, and since then, our friendship has been getting back on track. I am forced to eat my words where she is concerned, because I said she would never apologize, and she did. And it wasn't one of those "oh, yeah, i'm sorry" kind of apologies either. It was truly heartfelt, and made all the difference in the world in our friendship. And I must confess that I really did miss having her around. I mean REALLY missed having her around.
• My New Lease on Life isn't so new anymore, but things are going pretty well. It's definitely nice living with a guy. Especially one as utterly metrosexual as Ship. And Smelly (my giant beast-dog) has learned some new tricks thanks to him, and seems happy in the townhouse. And that's a good thing, because if Smelly isn't happy, no one's happy.

And that's about it on the old posts. New updates and posts will hopefully be coming soon!

Appraise THIS . . .

Well, it's annual appraisal time, and I thought this year was going to be a good one (in terms of my compensation), but, alas, I was wrong.

So my raise ended up being substantially less than what I felt it should be. And I have a couple of choices: 1) throw a fit, 2) be patient, or 3) start looking for a new job.

Throwing a fit: basically, all that will do is make me look like a jackass. It's not going to change anything except my boss' perception of me. I think I will pass on this option.

Being patient: although a much more mature response than throwing a fit, the outcome will probably be much the same . . . nothing will change.

Looking for a new job: Ugh. Double UGH, even. New jobs suck. Mostly because you have to meet a bunch of people and try to figure out who you can trust and who you can't; who is good to have lunch with; who you should stay away from; etc. Then there are the new routes to work that you have to learn, including the best ways to avoid traffic during inclement weather. Oh, and proving yourself all over again. One more time for effect . . . UGH.

I guess the real question here is this: Is it really worth it? Is having to deal with all the stuff/ drama that goes along with a new job really worth a few thousand dollars a year? I mean, all in all, I love my job. Yes, I work exceptionally long hours, have a lot of responsibility, and report to more "managers" than I can count. But the work is interesting, and most of the people I work with are exceptionally nice. And even the ones who aren't "exceptionally nice" are at least "relatively nice." And I have a few select people that I deal with daily who I know would be lost without me. One, in particular, who has been going to bat for me since I first started here three years ago. And knowing that by leaving here I would be letting him down, it makes the decision to go that much more difficult.

So, for now, I will stay. And hope (with fingers, toes, and eyes crossed) that my boss will realize just how irreplaceable I am and give me some more money in a few months. Because ultimately, job satisfaction is way more valuable than money. But money is always nice.

Wish me luck!

I can't EFFING believe it . . .

So, the web is abuzz with news about Britney filing for divorce from K-Fed. Wahoo!! Girl finally got smart.

Let me just say this, I'm 31 years old, and Britney came a little "after my time" but the girl has made a mint doing her thing, so you have to give her some credit for that.

But then she started her white-trash downward spiral . . . first there was the whole marriage/ annulment from her high school friend, then she got involved with Kevin Federline. Geez. It seemed like she was doomed. But just when you are about to write her off, she goes and does something smart like this!! Brilliant.

Oh, and speaking of brilliant . . . that pre-nup her lawyers convinced her to have him sign: PURE EFFING GENIUS. Because seriously, how much would it have sucked if Britney had to continue paying child support to Shar Jackson for her two kids even after she divorced Kevin!

But seriously, here's hoping that Britney will use this as a launching pad to get her career back in gear, and also that she doesn't forget that, while Kevin may get 1/2 of the house and $30k a month for the next year, she got the best part of him . . . those adorable little boys!! (K-Fed may be a nasty, skanky, piece of trash, but he makes some cute children!!)

Good luck, Brit-Brit . . . I wish you the best!!

A New Lease (On Life As I Know It)

Things in my life have changed a lot lately. And I must honestly admit that they have changed for the better.

On September 30th, with some help from my most reliable friends, I moved into a new townhouse in Arlington with my co-worker, Ship*. Ship is so far turning out to be a pretty good roommate. There are some things that we are going to have to get worked out before too long, but nothing major (e.g. – just because I’m the girl doesn’t mean I should have to be the one who always empties the dishwasher, and my dog can be a big, giant, attention-starved pain in the arse). But all-in-all, things are going pretty great.

One of the most important things about having a new roommate is compatibility, not just between the roommates, but between the roommates and their extended circles of friends. The good news is that Ship gets along extremely well with my best friend JoZaff and her boyfriend, Bergle, which makes it nice when I have them over for dinner. And we both spend a lot of time with mutual friends from work, which is great. (Although some of us spend more time with certain co-workers of the opposite sex than others!)

So, life is good at home. And that makes me happy, because it is a new concept for me, and I really think I could get used to it.

*Just so you know, all names are changed to protect the innocent and to keep the fools anonymous.